Man, it's been a really long time since I've posted. Wish I had a good excuse. I don't. Just life and all that goes along with it.
Let's play catch-up.
Scott is busy with Mrs. Call's. Who knew the candy business would be so good to us? Actually, Scott did. I'm so proud of him for knowing what he wanted and not giving up until he found a way to make it possible. We thank our Heavenly Father every night for the opportunities we've been given and mostly for helping us to find a way to stay in this quiet, little valley that we've grown to love so much. Scott really enjoys what he is doing and we can't ask for anything more than that.
Caden is almost done with first grade. He's become quite the little reader, although his strongest subjects are math and spelling. He's so much like his dad, very logical and a negotiator through and through. He is such a good boy. He asked for an alarm clock this year, which he got. Every morning at 7 o'clock when it goes off he promptly gets up, gets himself dressed, usually makes his own breakfast and brushes his teeth...ALL WITHOUT BEING TOLD! He makes my life easier in so many ways.
Then there's Abbie. She couldn't be more different than her brother. Usually when I describe her I use the words "handful". But one day I know I am going to be able to fully appreciate her strong spirit and crazy personality. She is hard, but she is also the most loving little girl who spreads sunshine wherever she goes. She has her own sense of style and she isn't afraid to express it. We argue daily over what is acceptable to wear out of the house. She usually wears me down and leaves the house in the most ridiculous outfits. She is a social butterfly (like her mama) and loves preschool, gymnastics and sugar.
Then there's me. Most days I can be found in my workout clothes hours after my workout is over, working at the computer, folding laundry, cleaning toilets, making meals, cuddling kids or helping with homework. Sometimes I wish my life was more glamorous or fun, but I would never give up what I have for anything. The peace, security and happiness I feel every single day is so much better than a week in Hawaii.
I'm learning a lot lately, mostly about my relationship with God. I'm still amazed at his love for me. Although I have a hard time comprehending it, I am grateful he knows each of us as the individuals we are and the needs we each have. Our family made a goal to read the scriptures every night. Sure we've attempted many times in the past, but this time we're really trying. Man, it was hard at first. It's hard to feel the spirit when Abbie is running circles around the couch and it takes Caden a REALLY long time to get through one verse, but we keep at it. Our family has been blessed because of our efforts. Not just an added measure of the Spirit in our home (which is welcomed and we're grateful for), but real tangible blessings that have left me with no doubt that God is aware of us.
I've been struggling a bit lately. It appears some of my anxiety and OCD behaviors have reared their ugly heads again. I've decided this is my challenge in life. Some people struggle with marital problems, finances or the loss of a loved one but for me this is going to be my life-long challenge and I'm finally accepting it. I'm doing whatever I can on my end which includes going back to a therapist. I'm actually excited. I've been told there is a specific type of therapy that will help me learn to control my thoughts and actions better. Yeah, there is hope for us crazies! I know there are some that think I should keep these sorts of things private or at least not be so open or joke about it, like this is something I shouldn't be "proud" of. Let me clarify, I am not proud of this weakness of mine by any means, that's not why I share this information. I share it because for years I felt embarrassed, different and scared to admit I was flawed in this way. However, when I stopped pretending and started to let people in, really in, they saw this flaw in my personality and could relate to it. Turns out, I'm not that different from other wives and moms after all. Most of us have the same fears and anxieties, I'm just not as good at working through them. Sharing has helped me realize I'm actually pretty normal and for those few areas where I might be a bit abnormal, there's plenty I can do to make myself better. In all seriousness, I really am grateful for this challenge and what it has taught me. On more than one occasion, when I've found myself in a dark and lonely place, I have gotten on my knees and pleaded with God for help. And every single time my prayers have been answered quickly, offering the relief and love that I needed in those moments. I hope I never forget these experiences, they've been life changing for me.
So, I am here, and alive. Just working on me and my family a little bit each day and so far we're making good progress.
