A Teaching Moment

My heart is broken.

My little guy made a bad decision this weekend. A mistake that most kids experience at some point while growing up, but nonetheless, a bad choice. After having a suspicion, I confronted him and demanded an answer. When he didn't respond I practically dragged the confession out of him with guilt, force and lots of scolding. This may sound dramatic, but the truth is I wanted to believe my kid wasn't like every other kid. I wanted him to be perfect, the ideal child. We read scriptures every night, we have family prayer and talk a lot about right and wrong in our home. He knew better, so what did this all mean? Had we failed him as parents? Was there some sort of concerning behavioral pattern starting to develop? Should I start looking for a child therapist? I know, I know, over the top, but in the moment these were truly my thoughts. I'm new at this.

I'm a terrible mother.

After sending him to his room and having a few minutes to calm down I started to think more rationally. Of course he's a good kid. He's the same little boy who's praises I was singing for being so obedient and good a few days earlier. He made a mistake. We all do. And I certainly should never be the one to cast the first stone, I've messed up plenty. I felt a sense of peace well up inside of me and the thought popped into my mind that this was a very important teaching moment and not to miss out on it by letting my anger and pride get the best of me.

I returned to his room and asked if we could talk. Our conversation was too tender for me to write down but he said things like, "my heart is broken because I chose to listen to Satan, I feel really bad inside" and "I think I need to pray to Heavenly Father and ask him to forgive me". I could tell his heart really was broken because of the mistake he made, the remorse was obvious. I didn't need to beat up on him with my harsh words and tone, he was disappointed enough for the both of us. We started to talk about repentance and I was surprised that he already understood the process and the importance of it. So we talked about the application of it rather than starting from scratch. What a HUGE confirmation to me that children really do listen in primary and family home evening! I told him about a time when I made the same mistake and how bad I felt inside. I also told him that when I repented, I felt happy again and I knew that he would be happy again too when he fixed his mistakes. He cried the entire time we talked, I did too.

My heart was broken for him. But I was so grateful for the prompting I received on how to handle the situation. I've always had a testimony of and been grateful for the Atonement in my life but today it meant something different to me. I needed to have faith in it because my son was hurting from a bad choice he made that I couldn't fix for him. This was between him and the Lord and repentance took on a whole new meaning and significance to me. I'm so grateful for this experience. I'm grateful I was able to listen to the sweet prayer he offered and for the tender Spirit that was in the room. I'm grateful that he remembered the things he had been taught in our home and at church. I'm grateful there is repentance and this little mistake will not define him, but give him experience and courage to try harder and be better.

Today, after doing everything he could to right his wrong, I asked him how he felt. He smiled and told me, "my heart has been taped back together". He really is a good kid.


"Don’t live your life in despair, feeling sorry for yourself because of the mistakes you have made. Let the sunshine in by doing the right things now." - Richard G. Scott

Stuck

I feel stuck.

Miss Priss is 3 1/2, Bubba is almost 7. It's no secret I like my kiddies spread out a bit. I've never let other peoples' opinions sway me in this area of my life. For some, more is truly merrier. For others, like me, not so much.

In the past few years this topic of conversation has always ended with me saying, "I am not even close to being baby hungry" and "It's gonna be quite awhile". I have reasons for waiting... some emotional, mental, physical and some financial. Being self-employed in the state of Utah means being willing to pay cash for a baby (c-sections are quoted at around $15,000 and that is if everything goes as planned) or pay a ridiculous amount of money to an insurance company for really crappy coverage. The numbers aren't important. Here's my point...

I'm not saying I am ready for another baby. But, the reality is I am turning 32 in a few days and I am feeling the need to at least make a plan. This need for a plan has given me more anxiety than I care to deal with these last few weeks. For the first time in years I am actually thinking about it but the lack of options is discouraging.

We're taught to be self-reliant, responsible with our finances and stay out of debt. We're also taught to multiply and replenish the earth. I want to do both. Unfortunately, that is pretty much impossible to do right now. Some people throw caution to the wind and tell me to have more faith and things will all work out. I hate that answer. I have faith and I know Heavenly Father continues to bless my life everyday but I don't necessarily think all of my financial obligations disappear with a baby or somehow they are less stressful because I have a precious newborn to cuddle. Financial stress can be very hard on a family too, especially when self-imposed and with no reasonable plan. I also don't want to be the person that allows worldly concerns to shape the person I have become or the size of my family.

See my dilemma? Do I ignore the stirrings inside of me and wait until we have a plan that we are comfortable with? Or do I go against everything I believe about being financially responsible and simply hope it works out?

While organizing my thoughts and writing this all out, I think I know what my answer is. I'm gonna sit with it for a few days and see how it feels.

Apparently, blogging can be as therapeutic and insightful as some claim. Who knew?

Anyone care to share their thoughts or experiences?