I feel stuck.
Miss Priss is 3 1/2, Bubba is almost 7. It's no secret I like my kiddies spread out a bit. I've never let other peoples' opinions sway me in this area of my life. For some, more is truly merrier. For others, like me, not so much.
In the past few years this topic of conversation has always ended with me saying, "I am not even close to being baby hungry" and "It's gonna be quite awhile". I have reasons for waiting... some emotional, mental, physical and some financial. Being self-employed in the state of Utah means being willing to pay cash for a baby (c-sections are quoted at around $15,000 and that is if everything goes as planned) or pay a ridiculous amount of money to an insurance company for really crappy coverage. The numbers aren't important. Here's my point...
I'm not saying I am ready for another baby. But, the reality is I am turning 32 in a few days and I am feeling the need to at least make a plan. This need for a plan has given me more anxiety than I care to deal with these last few weeks. For the first time in years I am actually thinking about it but the lack of options is discouraging.
We're taught to be self-reliant, responsible with our finances and stay out of debt. We're also taught to multiply and replenish the earth. I want to do both. Unfortunately, that is pretty much impossible to do right now. Some people throw caution to the wind and tell me to have more faith and things will all work out. I hate that answer. I have faith and I know Heavenly Father continues to bless my life everyday but I don't necessarily think all of my financial obligations disappear with a baby or somehow they are less stressful because I have a precious newborn to cuddle. Financial stress can be very hard on a family too, especially when self-imposed and with no reasonable plan. I also don't want to be the person that allows worldly concerns to shape the person I have become or the size of my family.
See my dilemma? Do I ignore the stirrings inside of me and wait until we have a plan that we are comfortable with? Or do I go against everything I believe about being financially responsible and simply hope it works out?
While organizing my thoughts and writing this all out, I think I know what my answer is. I'm gonna sit with it for a few days and see how it feels.
Apparently, blogging can be as therapeutic and insightful as some claim. Who knew?
Anyone care to share their thoughts or experiences?
You know that this decision is just for you and Scott and God, but I do have a few words . . . DO IT! :) Besides the fact that your kids are like super models (we really could use more pretty people in this world, don't you think!) but I also know too any people who look back years later and are so regretful they didn't have more. I am so fearful of that myself (seeing that I probably SHOULDN'T have more). In years to come it would seem like such a lame excuse that money kept you from having more beautiful children, probably. But . . .that's just me! Now . . . go find Scott!
ReplyDeleteIf you're interested in a stranger's opinion: We will have our 4th baby in 2 months and making the same income we made on 2 kids. Insurance has gotten less. I tutor on the side less. My husband has had job interviews for a new job all over the United States. I should be a bit freaked out about moving with a new baby or being largely pregnant at the time. I normally would be bc I am a worry wart, but I'm just not. If you are feeling peaceful about your decision and you aren't second guessing yourself, then go with it! God blesses us for jumping in. Every time we have a baby, something great comes out of the woodwork. You are smart to weigh your options, but I agree with what your friend above said, you don't want to regret not having more in the future. Good luck with your decision. Your kids are so cute.
ReplyDeleteAre you sure a c-section will be around $15,000??? That is probably a quote for someone with insurance. Here it is $3,000- $5,000 if you are cash pay. That doesn't include everything but....It is a TON less than $15,000!!! Good luck with your decision. Don't let anyone sway you either way. It's between you, Scott and the Lord.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you are talking about. I am pregnant now with my second. I have really hard pregnancies. I am sick......have c-sections......and it isn't the easiest recovery both physical and emotional afterward. When I deliver her, my first will be 3 1/2. Which most people think is absurd and wonder why I wait so long to have kids. For me it is physical, emotional, and just my preference. I don't want to feel stretched so thin. I don't want to have a bunch of kids and feel like my life is chaos and I don't have time for each one of them in this crazy world.
ReplyDeleteBottom line, things are different than they were when we were growing up. It looks like you are doing an amazing job as a mom! I struggle with anxiety real bad too and my mom has to tell me often, "Fear can only come from one source and it isn't the Lord." Hang in there.
Brandon and I had our first 2 without any insurance. Now that was 20 and 16 years ago so a bit cheaper but it all worked out. My children are spread out too. Oldest 20 and the youngest 7. I've been where you are that's why Kalli and Marlee are 5 years apart. I knew in my heart there was more children for us thats why we decided to have Marlee even though we were super busy with the older 3, both working full time and the age difference. But I also know that I can't imagine not having them all in my life. Yes things have been tight at different times in our life but my children are my life. I wish I could say this decision is an easy one but it's not. All I can say is I'm thankful everyday for the decision that we made.
ReplyDeleteThis may sound irresponsible, but we never let money (or lack thereof) keep us from having our family. With our 5 children (ages 8, 6, 4, and 14 month twins), we've only had medical coverage for 2 of the births. All were c-sections. And we have no medical debt. The Lord has looked after us.
ReplyDeleteI look at other people who struggle with infertility, or who have a child with disabilities, or a wayward child, or a spouse with an addiction problem, or a spouse who is unfaithful, or whatever struggles they might have in their marriage, and I have to tell you, I would take being POOR for my trial every time.